|Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|BipolarShould I Put up With Abuse And Morbid Jealousy?I Can't control my Mind Anymore, do I Need to Leave?Multiple Sex Abuse as a ChildSexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Abusive Adult ChildStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveSelf Hate Why Do I like Being Abused?How To Get Over It?Does My Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?Do I Suffer From Depression?I Am Wondering What Could be Wrong With Me?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Past Following me For the WorseDelusional JealousyAlcohol and ChangeSecond MarriageHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?I am Only 26 Years OldI Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeBipolar Disorder and False and Displaced Memories?Is There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Extreme BehaviorHow to Convince my Wife to Seek HelpI Just Feel So Depressed Should I Fight For My Marriage?Insecure DangerHe Says I'm Ignorant , Being a MoronPOCDParent Abuse and My Resulting Disorders?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?Is He a Narcissist?Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceDaughter In Abusive MarriageI Think My Husband Hates MeHelp!!!Will He Hit Me Eventually? My Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionIs This Abuse and What Should I Do?Please Help Me!How To Help My SonWorthlessI Want To Die!I Was Living Two Lives. Controlling Husband Who Cheated Several TimesDo I Have Bipolar Disorder?Afraid of Breaking Family ApartIs Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Delusional and Morbid Jealousy?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Insane JealousyAm I In Danger?Sexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsSociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?Is She Mentally Ill?Narcissistic StepfatherWill the abuse still continue?AngerSexual issues with husbandHelpShould I Switch Therapists? Sara, Nov. 4, 2008Did I push them too much?Violent/murderous sexual fantasiesIs it my fault that I was sexually abused? Did it make me gay?I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Is It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008My boss asked me about my sex life and im only 16.. please read!Abusive Relationshipabuse survivorI believe my husband sexually abused my daughter and is at risk for doing the same to my grandchildren. What should I do now?Why do I beat myself up over what they think?Is it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Living with boyfriend - Am I dealing with one person or two?This guy I bullyCan he be changed?Münchhausen Disorder 'biproxy' (by Proxy)I get paralysed and cant do anythingHow do I keep my conduct disordered step-son from molesting my children?Rape victim who cuts and engages in BDSM to self-punish asks, 'Why am I like this?'cycle of abuse, but no apologiesFeel like I'm trappedFather is abusing and controlling my motherHow can I change my life?how to overcome sexual abuseviolent brotherSelf esteemHow to help a loved one who sees no problemHealthy sexuality not instinctual for me after abusive situationsi don't know if this is abuseafter verbal abuse19 year old daughter in abusive relationshipForgotten or just ignored?Domestic ViolenceIs this Schizophrenia?How to Deal with the Loss of Familyabout my childhood and why I am like this, but what can I do to changeDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyWhat is wrong with me?What Would This Be?A Request for HelpAdult ChildrenIs there a difference between abuse and trauma?Regret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Need to find a reason for the abuseI'm a cutter and can't remember anythingHow Does Childhood Abuse Influence Adulthood?Abusive Older SisterAbusive MotherKilling Myself In His KitchenFear Of Remembering ThingsViolent SisterAbuse Warning SignsBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanConfused While Leaving An Abusive RelationshipPossibly Molested DaughterStill SufferingAbusive FatherWhat Abuse Looks Like #2Are Battered Women Mentally Ill?Recognizing Verbal AbuseDissociates When IntimateAre Bipolars Abusive?Daughter's Violent MarriageDefinition Of Being BeatenThe Aftermath of AbuseThe Goal of TherapyHaunted College StudentToxic ParentsAbused WifeAbuse and TraumaNo Desire For Sex 1Mental AbuseLow Self-EsteemIntimacy IssuesAbusive GirlfriendEmotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?False PromisesAn Angry HusbandCarol-Ann writes:Laura writes:Links
cycle of abuse, but no apologies
During our 14 year marriage, 3 kids, Husband hooked on vicodin, in and out of rehab - one year alledgedly clean but has had a few relapses and is on step 1. I had to kick him out as I could not take the constant criticism, screaming, swearing at me calling me names, everything was my fault (or he would say \"50% is my fault\"and he would sarcastically say he was sorry, but I made him act that way \"I\'m the only one he acts this way around\". I am so sad and lonely, but feel more calm. He says he never felt better being away from me has freed him from the chaos and he is excited about the possiblities for his future now that he is away from me and my verbal abuse, controlling and physical abuse (I have slapped his face once when he was screaming at me that i was a lazy N word - and I used to try to physically prevent him from leaving when he would go into a rage - I have not done this for years). I have been in therapy for years and always hear about the cycle of abuse and the honeymoon period. Well, there doesn\'t seem to be one for me. He just expects me to forget what has happened and for awhile I would beg him to come back, so sorry whatever it was I did I won\'t ever do again. Very pathetic stuff. Then, when he got out of rehab, he was very apologetic, and then expected everything to be ok - for the kids to automatically trust and respect him, for me not to bring up the past, etc. Then the blaming started. I let the kids talk to him that way, I take sides against him with the kids, My mom is rude and I side with her. I would defend myself as I did not see this as truth - I would try to tell him the other \"sides\" of the situation, but would always preface with \" Yes you are right, our son shouldn\'t talk to you that way, but maybe he was feeling bad because you just disgraced him in front of his friends\" and then the war would begin \"he would either say he didn\'t do anything, or that he was just joking, or \"of course you take his side\". Because I don\'t see it that way we would argue and it would end with him cussing me out and leaving. Well this last time after he was extorting our daughter - he found out that she had seen an \"r\" rated movie and terrified that she would get into trouble if I found out, he used this to get her to do chores, and so that she would not tell me that he had talked to his old highschool girlfriend on \"myspace\". He excused this behaviour as \"it went too far, i was just joking with her, I was only doing it so she would do her chores\". Lazy, \"you\'ll end up fat and waddling just like your mother, not worth anything, no man is going to want you (because there was laundry in the laundryroom); said sexually innappropriate things in front of me, our kids and my mom (nothing explicit, more vulgar) and continued to do so even after the therapist said he should cease immeditely. He would reduce the amount of times he would make comments and say \"see how good I\'m doing, I only called you \"meat\" twice today. He accuses me of controlling him by not letting him watch r rated movies and preventing him from living and that he is not ever going to church again. He had made religious commitments which included not smoking and putting family first and when his actions were contrary to these committments, I was scared (especially since when he used vicodin, the behaviours of going against all of these commitments was very prevalent and I was ultra sensitive to \"r\" rated movies with nudity as when he was using he was watching pornography. Anyway I felt and feel like I was not what he was accusing me of - rather I was constantly trying to defend myself, and protect the kids from tyranny and double standards and unfair punishments. And trying to work at my job, raise the kids and be the financially responsible one. Our therapist has said that he may be bi-polar and an addict. My question is this, \"is it possible that I really am the one causing all of this?\" I know my needs are not being met, and am dismissed or yelled at if I complain. I honestly do not think for a minute that I am what he says, but is it possible that I am triggering him to such a level that he can\'t control his behaviour? I know that he has not kept any of his committments to me or the kids and yet I am the one who he blames for the lack of respect in the home. I have found a great support group of abused women, have a personal therapist, and our marriage counselor. I am trying to hold everything together, but continue to get caught up in whether or not this is my fault, and should I call him to try and work things out. I have called and begged him to work this out, and he says he is not ready to talk to me yet. Why am I such a putz?
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