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I get paralysed and cant do anything
I came upon this site by accident searching for \'no friends psychological disorder?\' I'm on anti depressants. I still can't seem to do anything. I have no motivation. I have no friends, never had. When I do get involved people quickly learn that they don't like me and avoid me. All I want to do is sit on the steps and chain smoke, and feel bad, and make myself sick, and go back to bed, and neglect life. I feel its hopeless. I never had a social network or circle of friends. I don't have a girlfriend and think there is something very wrong with me that I don't. I don't have money to spend on psychotherapy. I was abused physically and mentally growing up, and I took lots of LSD when I was 13. I know its a lot of variables, and there is no way of telling exactly what the right treatment would be, but maybe you can give me a golden nugget. I have tried everything from these anti-depressants to meditating, and I always seem to spiral back into self-destruction and isolation. My whole family is messed up so I don't really have anyone to talk to. I am virtually alone, abandoned and uncared for. I was in the Military and now I'm about to get my bachelors in Engineering at 29 so I'm not just a bottom feeder, I do contribute and am more intelligent than the average gummy bear, but I just can't seem to get balanced and healthy. Do I just need to get off the pity pot or is there something really wrong with me? Thanks for reading, and understanding.
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