A Habitual Liar's Lament
(Note: the email writer provides a female name)
From the age of 8 years old I was verbally abused by my father who was an alcoholic. I am now 37 years of age. In my younger days from about 10 years or so I started invented stores about the family I wish I had. These thoughts were not kept in my head I shared these fantasizes with friend my school mate. From what kind of home I lived in to the kind of family member I had. They were always perfect. I even convinced myself that the stories I made up were actually true. They began feeling real to me. I took on the personality I created and believed in the imaginary ones. Mostly I wanted others to believe them and often wondered and became annoyed if any doubt was express about the stories I told. Recently or about 4 years ago I came into contact with the Internet. I think I may be somewhat addicted to it. However, my addiction is for chat rooms meeting people on line. I spend hours talking to people and creating stories of fabulous lifestyles.
Some years ago between 4 and 2 I met a woman online rather trusting in believing what I had to say without demanding anything of me. The character I play is that of a man. I am successful with the perfect family full of love. I create a new story almost every day. I have even had two children since we started chatting non of witch are true. My life is equipped with family member and friends. (I tend to remember everything I say no matter how long ago it has been said and if I don't I can easily explain any discrepancies that my pop up). I have spoken to her as at least 5 different characters and I take on the personality of each one I play with emotions and all. I am always aware of what I am doing. I control her every move and get highly offended if things doesn't go my way. I am in no way violent or have violent tendencies. I just refuse to speak to her for a period of time witch I know will cause extreme pain and suffering to her.
I live my life in anticipation of being online and chatting with this woman. It's one of my major source of happiness and mostly pleasure. When I am done speaking with her I spend many hours fantasizing about what we have spoken about. As a matter of fact 99% of my life is spend fantasizing about what one thing or another mostly about an elaborate lifestyle.
I am an average achiever but I always project I know more than I do. I can talk a good game. I am capable of mastering any situation once I am shown the practical of it. I work well with others I am easy going and loved by most people I meet. I function quite well in the company of others in fact being alone is not something I welcome. I hate when people don't believe what I say. Sometimes I try to comfort myself by telling myself you are not telling the truth but it never helps. It annoys me when I am not believed even though I know what I am saying is not the truth.
The latest crazy thing I have done is to invite this woman to spend time with me and a family that do not exist. I am still working on the escape route
Writing this I do believe I am nuts but I feel perfectly normal. Please help me.. If I am sick I would like to do something to help myself.
Thank you so much this is the first time I have made an attempt to talk about this as I am somewhat embarrass by it.
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